Spoken Alone In A Cell (LXIII)

Stillness, I disrupt it to help order my thoughts once more.
We few here have faced our keepers and our fellows, we have done the impossible and that makes us mighty. We are free within the walls of our prison, for it has become a school and a punishment no longer.
We took what little was offered to us, grains of rice unto a starving man. We ate of them, yet they did not diminish. As we, as I looked closer at them, they could not be used up.
This copying of books, this entrance to The Way seems so easy, yet is so difficult. What labor is it to drag a brush and ink across paper? So little, and yet so much. Through writing the words so many times, I have discovered the usefulness and their uselessness. They served as a bridge to here, and now when I turn back the bridge I built with them has disappeared. I am not bond by dogma, nor ruled by anything but The Way. It has self destructed and left only itself.
I am hungry, but they call me ring leader, and refuse to feed me. I do not hunger anymore anyway.

Lost No More

After the prisoner I spoke with earlier handed me a copy of the Tao Te Ching, I initially refused. However, he encouraged me to take it. I was in a self-examination/metacognitive state, and then I read a note which was in the book. I send you a poem which will clarify my thinking.

The singular way is not one for all
yet all must follow the way
those lost
pursue a way,
those found are on the way.

I was
lost,
clouded in a path of fame and fortune
but a stranger in the distance handed me his map.
The street I was really looking for---was right ahead
I took the turn, and continue on.

I am happy you are on the right road brother, but our streets differ and I must remain.

from the gateway of mainfold secrets

brother,
I value peace and communication. I gave up writing to you in my effort to find peace. I almost valued one higher than the other. I was ready to dismiss communication as a worthless desire. These desires have always been with me. Peace and Communication. To desire the removal of either one, the desire to remove anything, is no different than having the desire in the first place. To quote the Tao Te Ching: "the two are the same, but diverge in name as they issue forth."
I write to you from the gateway of mainfold secrets. I hope you will contact me, and join me here, in peace.

Honored Recipient (XLII)

I do not, and cannot know who will receive this. I tuck this letter into the front of this copy of The Way because one begets two, and two begets three.
By this one letter, I hope you write letters of your own, and do so often. I have heard of some people who cast bottles, corked and waxed, to carry a note wherever the capricious waves will take them. This book is my bottle, and I am glad that it has found its way to you.
Be like the bottle, the book. Through effortless effort, it was brought to you, and so The Way eternally buoys you.
Many were the struggles, and no small amount of blood was shed as well. Feel not sorrowful, be mindful. Those that struggle violently suffer violently too. Those who seek others shall not be alone. Those who seek peace for themselves and those around them will bring it with them. I have seen this truth myself.
May you find Your Way, here in this letter, or here in this book, or here in this world.

Entry

Diary-

I arrived at the village after suffering through much trouble- there was no airport or even train, and I was forced to go by bus. I asked around for Ning, not knowing where he lived since I left shortly after sending him my last letter. Somebody told me they had not seen him lately, but guided me to his home. Not finding him there, I remembered our old "tree house" on the outskirts of town. There was a lone tree in a deserted remote area, and we had put up a makeshift platform. If he had read my letter, I knew he would have left me some note of explanation there. My conjecture was correct, and his note stated he had left to go "seek guidance". Excellent, my trip was for nothing.

However, I reluctantly decided to visit mother and father, and take a look at the whole operation while I was there. Mother was glad to see me, but father even more. Father was very proud of his operation up until the point where the prisoners were rebelling and Ning left on his own journey. Although he was disappointed and quite furious with Ning for leaving, there was a time when he would have wholeheartedly approved, when he was a philosopher and not a businessman.

Father earnestly asked me to accompany him to the "production line" of the text. I agreed, and I got a chance to see what was occurring, what the strike was all about. Having read the note signed V, I found this prisoner and spoke with him. Apparently, the Tao Te Ching became very popular among the prisoners, and some began trying to find their own "Way". In the process, it seems that some sort of rebellion began among a few- some had a problem with father's attempt of cashing in on this supposed priceless text. However, the prisoners sorted out the problem among themselves, and are ready to produce the books again.

Another problem has come up though. Father is a changed man with money, his old cheery and wise ways gone. He talks business now. It struck me- I much liked father the way he was before. Furthermore, witnessing the profound effect of the Tao Te Ching (and the effect of forgetting it) has led me to do some deeper thinking. Give me some time, more later.

Jun

Note for Jun

Jun, I apologize for not leaving any notice of my departure from the household. I knew when you would fail to find me at the house, you'd come looking for answers in the tree house. the safe place of our youth. I too have gone to find a safe place, a peaceful place. After talking with the prisoners, and seeing how they behaved in the face of such attrocities. I go to seek guidance, and after watching events unfold at the prison, I know for myself it can't be found in that setting. the violence, the control, father's domineering. If it can be found in that setting, i am not yet ready to learn that way. I saw too much change in our father, too much irrationality and mother lacks the will to do anything about it.

you may joke about the way and following it's direction / indirection, but I beg you not to leave father with anything. although he's suffering, the money will only further poison him, and bring on more suffering. He is capable of being saved, and living a good life. I imagine I will return in many years, but it may be sooner, it may be later, it might be never. If I am to return, then I will return. Do not try to find me.

Honorable Warden (XXX)

Respected Sir,

I would plead that you bring an end to the beating of we poor prisoners. We are within your mercy, and have no power but that which you grant us. The few who damaged the books we copy for you have sought to apologize, or have been pushed to extremes. They hearts harden when they see pain heaped upon their fellows. Please, show mercy as their hearts may only be softened with kindness, not with blows.

Victory is already yours esteemed Sir. You have mastery over our every minute. To seek to increase this control leaves nothing but weeds behind. As a wise leader you already know that peace is better than conflict. Fighting only brings resistance and losses in strength, doubly so for a warden. Your opponents are also your laborers, and each injury hurts all.

Our respectable labor has now been delayed some days. We humble prisoners seek to learn more of The Way that has helped us so much. As the understanding grows in each one of us, we increase the knowledge of all those around us. We are faster in copying the books than when we began, and hope that we may go back to copying soon.

Through violent beatings our bodies bruise and break, however, two edged swords cut both ways. By causing pain to a fellow human your guards bruise their spirits at the same time. They are always slow to retrieve their clubs now, and the pain is clear in their eyes. We happy few do not resist, as that is not The Way. If not for our humble plea, then for your guards pain, please stop. We know that we are but prisoners, but we are men.


Each day that peace is disturbed strengthens the support of those on the extremes. Please prevent them from growing any stronger.

- V

(Date Illegible)

Ning,

Your letter quite humored me. So father is now a hypocrite, money the utmost importance. I was somewhat glad, perhaps he would finally be able to maintain his home with more than empty words. Unfortunately, as always, he cannot secure one steady stream of income. For your sake, I will send one month's rent, no more-just tell your father to get his act together.

I read your prisoner's "poetry". Oh, I completely understand what your prisoner friend thinks he thinks. The literacy and the "philosophical" text you have provided have given a man false hope. Our father too was an imprisoned man, imprisoned by "The Way". Likewise, father has managed to trap yet another soul into believing he is now following this "Way". I say this twice imprisoned man has completely lost his way.

Regardless, I must come down to see you and this operation, and I will bring one month's rent for you to give father. Till then, Jun.

Dear Brother,

The most disheartening thing is happening. Lam and some of the most promising prisoner/students of father, is dissenting and refusing to cooperate with the printing arrangement! Mother is understanding, but father, although compassionate, has been getting more and more desperate. In his desperation he is resorting to more and more drastic measures. The situation is changing daily, father seemingly has thought of everything, although i find myself not agreeing with actions.
If the situation gets more desperate, I am starting to fear the very same thing father is fighting so hard for. This success, the security, the house. To be quite honest with you brother, this new found negative energy and drive of fathers is disheartening. I wanted father to be happy, I wanted our family to be happy. This situation is not what I want. My mind races at night, my thoughts scattered, anxious.
The other day I saw a bumbling prisoner, one of the dissenting students scribbling what appeared to be nonsense on the wall, cursing father I imagined. I told father immediatly and I heard the beatings shortly afterwards. This troubled me, is father blind to see anything but yuan signs, and hear nothing but cash registers? Has he forgotten the very principles upin which he is printing? Again I found the prisoner scribbling, I copied what I saw, and kept it to myself. It was confusing and enigmatic but as i read the Tao Te Ching the meaning of his scribbling started unfolding, becoming clearer. I wish to speak to him, and I mean to very soon. Please don't tell father.

- Ning

Venerated Mother (II)

I write you in confused enlightenment.

I do Nothing for a new Lao Tzu here in the cage which has set me free.

His explanations are too clear, and his actions too many, he muddies the limpid waters of heaven.

I was sentenced as a guilty man but what I did was only the good.

My confusion about The Way means I have mastered it!

I will continue to do Nothing so that our Lao Tzu will grasp the path as I do.

May my words bring confusion to you, so that you may understand that which cannot be spoken.

If I told you more, I would only hinder your progress further along The Path.

February 15

My Brother,

Receiving your letter some days ago has pleased me. Almost five years have passed since our last correspondence, and many more since I have seen the whole family together. I have been receiving your letters, though. I am glad the situation at home has become more stable. As you know, I left because father's idealism never earned him more than a good seat among a group of elders in the town. Money was short, and I am glad you finally have a place you can confidently sleep in without fear of being kicked out. I am also happy that father's idealism will finally earn him some money.

As for me dear brother, I have been living the life in the city. With the money that father had given me for an education, a good portion of of his savings, I was able to attend a prestigious University, and with my credentials, land a high-level job at a technology firm. The company has provided me with a large flat, and I host parties weekly, enjoying the luxuries and comforts of life. I would send money home, but most of it is tied up in stock options.

Your letter did concern me, although I hope my fear is mistaken. I fear being around father all the time, you might become a "philosopher" like him and decided to "embark on the way", the path...whatever. True, I do have a copy of the Tao Te Ching in my library, and upon the insistence of father, I have read it. I am not surprised it is the best-selling book in your region, because it is marketed for the peasants and the poor. It glorifies their life, their existence. Taoism preaches about minimalism, giving up worldly objects, being a hero by not trying to be great. I hope you see the big picture as I have! I am the hero of our town, I am the one to have made it big. My youth was spent following the Tao principles, and I don't remember any happiness or happiness of any of our poor neighbors. Now, however, I am happy. I am wealthy beyond belief, have a car, television, and other items we couldn't even dream about when we were children.

I'll close with a final statement. If you must follow a path, follow mine, not the one I remember father went on about all the time. You are free to share my letter with whoever you please, and I look forward to hearing yours and any other responses. Take care Ning, your brother Jun.

January 20th

January 20th

Hello brother,

It looks like we’re staying in town. No more nightmares of being kicked out of our house, being forced to live out in the outskirts of town. That’s right, it happened! The deal father and uncle have been working on has finally grabbed the attention of a publisher! The publisher operates in the downtown area, very rich from what I hear. When this man signs off on the deal, father will secure the arrangement to draft thousands of copies of the “Tao Te Ching” right in the prison!
By the look of father’s frantic, expressionless behavior this morning, you would have thought he hadn’t heard the good news. He went on like a zombie/madman all morning. He skipped breakfast, treated mother and me as if we weren’t there. He would have forgotten to put his shoes on if he didn’t trip over them. I finished breakfast, grabbed my cleaning supplies for work, kissed mother and stepped out the door to join father on our walk to the prison. Father had already sent word to the prison by messenger, and word got back to father before we had walked out the gate. The last I heard, the prison staff were already getting fathers plan in motion.
Now that the months of planning on father’s part have finally paid off, perhaps things will go back to the way they used to, when you lived here, and we were younger. Who knows, maybe I’ll get more than a 2 minutes to spend with father after work. He has worked very hard handling the training of these prisoners. That’s for certain. Although we haven’t seen much of him lately, he has been doing something very noble and our future will be better because of it. Father has worked day and night to get these prisoners the education necessary to write.
The most promising of the prisoners have been rewarded with a job on the presses, printing these “Tao Te Ching” books. Mother keeps a copy, but I haven’t started reading it yet. I think I might take a look as soon as they come off the presses. I think I remember you taking one with you before you left for the university. Do you continue to read it? Considering it’s the best selling book in the region, there should be no shortage of work for us. If these prisoners are as good at writing as father says they are, we’ll never have to worry about making ends meet again! I miss you brother.

Sincerely,
Ning